Making Peace with the Fear of Being Judged

by Maria Koropecky, Spiritual Wellness Coach

Many people like to sit on their high horses and look down their noses at everyone else and judge, judge, judge. It’s like a favourite pass-time or maybe even a sport!

man makes judging face.

Judging each other is nothing new. It’s part of our human nature. I think it’s like a survival skill. We need to know who is a friend and who is a foe and even 3-month old babies can read someone’s energy.

Quickly judging someone, rightly or wrongly, tells us if we can like and trust them, if we can feel safe with them, or if they’ll harm us or maybe even kill us. And with that assessment, we slap a big label on them and put them in a shoe box for future reference and treat them accordingly.

Often, the person being judged can suffer some consequences. Ultimately, I think that we fear being judged because it can literally mean a death sentence. Some people believe in a Judgement Day so that can tie into a fear of death. Also, if someone judges you, they can take away your livelihood and freedom.

When I was in high school, I read a book called, The Scarlet Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne — talk about judging! Set in Puritan Massachusetts in the 1640’s, poor Hester Prynne had to walk around with a big red A on her chest after she had an affair with a married man and became pregnant with her daughter, Pearl.

Can you imagine having to sew a red A for adultery on all of your clothes and say, “Hide your husbands everyone, Big A is coming down the street!” Thank goodness we’re not so strict anymore. Still, the judginess continues 400 years later…

As a highly sensitive person myself, I feel like I’ve been judged and criticized harshly all of my life. When I was growing up in the 1970’s, it seemed like the adults in my life (like my grandparents and teachers) only spoke to me when they needed to correct me about something — this time with big red X’s — and those criticisms were never sandwiched between compliments as they might be today.

Consequently, I interpreted their “well-meaning” words as “I’m not enough,” or “I’m not good enough,” or “they don’t like me,” or “there must be something wrong with me.” Not easy beliefs to live with to say the least.

By the way, did you know there’s a word for that?
Atelophobia is about the fear of imperfection and the fear of never being good enough, and by extension, the fear of being judged.

Who knew? Anyway, I also thought, well, “that’s how you treat people,” so I also became very critical of everyone I knew in my life, too. Needless to say, my opinions stated as facts didn’t go over well and I lost a lot of friends over the years. Not so much fun to be around. I’ve since worked on becoming less judgemental and not letting my ego run the show and I feel like I’m making good progress in that area.

But my fear of being judged still comes up every now and then.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been reminded of my beliefs about worthiness again. There’s an acquaintance in my life right now who is criticizing my every move and is bluntly and without care or sensitivity or warmth, pointing out all of my mistakes, making herself right and me wrong. She’s treating me like the adults did in my childhood! If only she could say something nice first, then I’d receive her “suggestions” better. Instead, I become defensive and I end up saying things that come out wrong and we clash and it’s not pleasant.

So I know what it’s like to be judged and criticized and it hurts. It’s hard not to fall into that trap of believing someone else’s opinion of you over your own.

I’m trying to remind myself, “Don’t let someone’s low opinion of you, lower your own opinion of you” and “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth,” and

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” Eleanor Roosevelt.

I can’t blame this acquaintance for how she’s making me feel. It doesn’t have anything to do with her. She’s just holding up a mirror. It’s all me which means I can change what I do next.

The good news is, the recent events in my life have inspired me to write this blog post and this situation is giving me the opportunity to challenge my outdated beliefs and clear them away once and for all!

woman kicking.

Spiritual Ideas to Make Peace with the Fear of Being Judged

  1. Practice Self-Care — If someone is giving you a hard time and is trying to push your buttons, do something nice for yourself (like get a massage or get your haircut or go for a long walk outside) and show yourself you care.
  2. Acceptance — The sooner you accept yourself as you are, accept others as they are, and accept the situation as it is, the sooner you’ll feel better.
  3. Forgiveness — Forgive everyone everything, especially yourself and anyone you feel is judging you. Let go of your past grievances because otherwise they may negatively affect your work (which would in turn create more judgment).
  4. Perfect is Boring — If you think being perfect will keep the judgers at bay, you’re not entirely off the hook. Some people are threatened by perfect people and other people will keep digging till they find some dirt. And striving for perfection is exhausting and if you do happen to be perfect, there’s nothing else left to do or learn anymore — no more room to grow — so what’s the point?
  5. Let Yourself Be Seen Anyway — Some people try to avoid being judged by hiding under the covers and staying home all day because it’s just too risky and dangerous to put themselves out there. But not going out into the world doesn’t work either because it’s a waste of our gifts and we’re here to share and help each other and shine our light.
  6. Lighten Up On Judging Others — Somehow, by not being so judgemental of others, others will not be so judgemental of you. When you find yourself making a mean comment about someone, ask yourself, “What’s that about?” We tend to judge people on what we think is important (like fashion or good driving) and if you catch yourself judging someone and ask yourself about it, you’ll gain some valuable self-awareness in the process.
  7. Relax Your Grip — Part of judging is trying to control other people. Don’t be so rigid about how people should behave or how things should be done. Everybody brings something different to the table and your way is not the only way. Give people a break and let them be who they are.
  8. Send Compassion Instead — The next time you see someone who doesn’t seem to be measuring up to your standards, send them compassion. They’re doing their best.
  9. Remember Your Sense of Humour — So what if you have spinach in between your teeth or if you’ve worn your shirt inside out in public — on the same day! 🙂 Turn your misadventures into funny stories that everyone can relate to and don’t take yourself so seriously.
  10. It’s All Just Feedback — I find if I look at comments as feedback and not criticism, it takes the edge off them. Also, if someone is judging you and telling you something you don’t want to hear, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re being mean. Next time that happens, remember it’s just feedback. You have the choice to accept their notes or not. But maybe, if you apply their observations to your life, it just might help you up your game and be a better version of yourself.
  11. It’s Not The Truth of Who You Are — Someone’s snap judgement about you is not the Truth (it’s an opinion at best) so don’t consume it like food and put it in your body and carry it around with you and give it meaning, especially if it feels bad.
  12. Labels Are Meaningless — We are not superficial labels of things. We are not our hair colour, we are not the cars we drive, we are not our jobs or our marital status, or the mistakes we make, or our accomplishments. The essence of who we are is so much more than packaging and appearances. We are human beings with tremendous potential!

Here’s a quote from Bob Marley about Perfection in a Relationship:

you're not perfect, he isn't either.

I hope this blog post helps but if you’re still struggling with the fear of being judged and you’re bouncing between perfectionism and avoiding being seen like I have, this is a topic we can work on in our wellness coaching conversations. Please contact me, Maria, if you’d like to talk about your options. I promise I’ll create a safe space for our meeting.

Wellness Coach Maria Koropecky Ammolite Wellness.

Crystal Mapping Sessions Available

Would you like to have some spiritual guidance on this topic? Consider signing up for a Free Crystal Mapping Session with Spa Therapist and Wellness Coach, Maria Koropecky. Email Maria and book your free Crystal Mapping Session today.

The Secret to Creating a Masterpiece

by Maria Koropecky, Spiritual Wellness Coach

If you’ve lived in a city for any length of time, you’ve probably watched a building go up in a space that was once a parking lot or a vacant lot with tumbleweeds. 🙂

It seems one day it’s the same fenced in property that you’ve walked past a thousand times and then the next day, you notice a big square hole in the ground the size of a city block, and a crane, and people wearing yellow construction hats carrying 2×4’s, and big loud trucks pouring cement.

foundation of new construction.

This goes on for weeks and weeks with no visible progress to write home about, but at the same time, it’s fascinating to watch! I’m sure having a birds’ eye view of an active construction site with silent cameras zooming in on different trades and jobs would make for a great tv show — just like the burning log at Christmas time. I’m serious!

Then all of a sudden, one day, the fence is gone, the crew is gone, and a huge condo and office complex is standing there proudly, and you say, “Where the bleep did that come from?!”

Capital Park.
Leeds Certified, Capital Park, Victoria, BC. 2018

And you also may be thinking, “What does this story have to do with the secret to creating a masterpiece?”

Well, a masterpiece can be anything like a skyscraper, house, painting, sculpture, photograph, novel, poem, song, dance, meal, garden, lecture, business, invention, product, idea, or goal that captures a unique moment in a grande manner. It’s timeless and it’s technically near flawless.

A masterpiece can also be something more ethereal or ineffable like a relationship, or a conversation, or a political movement, or a meaningful life. There’s something breathtaking about its energy.

Would you like to know the secret that leads to creating any of these types of masterpieces? The truth is, they all start with a solid foundation!

Yes, the foundation is the secret!

In a construction site, the foundation sets the tone for the rest of the structure: if the foundation is sound, the whole building will be strong. That’s why they spend such a big chunk of their time, energy, budget, and resources at the foundation stage. That’s why it seems like nothing is happening at the ground level for so many weeks and then the rest of the floors go up in what seems like a matter of days.

Foundations are all about integrity, stability, intention, respect, rules, trust, and vision. If you focus on building a strong foundation first and keep these values in mind as you’re launching your project, you will create a magnum opus!

But if you take short cuts or cheat or skip the foundation all together, you’re building a house of cards on a pile of sand that will topple in a soft breeze. Yikes!

rayner institute logo.When I was in coaching school, we spent many hours talking about the importance of a strong foundation and establishing our foundations. You might say the idea of the foundation was drilled into us! 🙂

We learned that taking the time to build a solid foundation at the beginning of our coaching conversations would lead to amazing transformational and transcendent breakthroughs for our clients — and it’s true!

Once the foundation is established, the rest of the coaching conversation is fluid and easy and even healing! It just goes up and up and up and it feels amazing!

So, if you want to talk to a spiritual wellness coach who takes the time to establish a strong foundation with you by asking thoughtful questions and listening with reverence as you express your deepest thoughts and feelings, and you also aspire to create your own masterpiece, whatever the looks like for you, please contact me, Maria, to talk. I’m looking forward to meeting you!

Wellness Coach Maria Koropecky Ammolite Wellness.

Crystal Mapping Sessions Available

Would you like to have some spiritual guidance on this topic? Consider signing up for a Free Crystal Mapping Session with Spa Therapist and Spiritual Wellness Coach, Maria Koropecky. Email Maria and book your free Crystal Mapping Session today.

Here’s What I Have to Offer as a Wellness Professional

Dear Friends, Customers, and Clients:

I hope this blog post finds you well. I’m writing to let you know about what’s going on at Ammolite Wellness Coaching and my other wellness businesses these days. I feel like things are finally coming together and the foundation for what I lovingly call, my wellness empire, is in place.

I’m hoping that by offering different types of wellness services and letting my clients choose which approach they like best, whether it’s through mind, body, or spirit, I’ll be able to help people relax and have peace of mind. In their own way, all of these roads lead to wellness, and that’s my vision.

Through thoughtful questions and active listening, a coach can offer support in areas such as health, lifestyle, life purpose, relationships, business, career, and spirituality, etc., and can help their clients produce extraordinary, fulfilling, and sustainable results.

If you’re considering the idea of working with a coach, I’d love to offer you a free Crystal Mapping Session. Using the wisdom of crystals, Crystal Mapping is a fun and interactive way to chart your own course in life. You’ll get a taste of what my style of coaching is like and from there, you can decide if you’d like to sign up for a series of coaching sessions with me as well.

Please visit MariaKoropecky.com for more info and email me at talktoacoach@gmail.com to schedule your free Crystal Mapping session!

free Crystal Mapping Session.
Book your Crystal Mapping session today!

Supporting our own Stem Cell system is the key to good health and in my travels, I’ve found a new and unique aquatic-botanical product that supports our own release of bone-marrow stem cells. It’s a health supplement made from blue-green algae that comes from Klamath Lake, Oregon.

So, if you’d like to hear more about stem cell nutrition, to boost your health, to support your body’s own repair system, and get your hands on these supplements made by a company called, Cerule, please contact me, Maria, by email: talktoacoach@gmail.com.

You’re also welcome to visit my Cerule page: wellnessmaria.cerule.com/.

Stem Cell Nutrition.
Supporting our own Stem Cell system is the key to good health and it’s a perfect complement to wellness coaching!

My training in the wellness field started in 2010 when I went back to school to become an aesthetician, so I have another business called Homespunspa Mobile Spa.

Since 2011, my team of aestheticians, spa therapists, and nail techs and I have done many, many dozens of spa parties in all kinds of beautiful homes, hotels, schools, and offices in the Greater Victoria area, including Sooke, North Saanich, and Lake Cowichan, and have met all kinds of wonderful people along the way.

So, if you’d like to host a spa party this autumn, just plump up those throw pillows and invite your friends over for some spa time, and we’ll do the rest!

Please visit Homespunspa.com for more info and email me at Homespunspa@shaw.ca to book your preferred date!

Ask me about adding Homespunspa Mobile Spa services and spa parties to your next Wellness Event or Workplace Wellness Program.
Ask me about adding Homespunspa Mobile Spa services and spa parties to your next Wellness Event or Workplace Wellness Program.

The spa services at Homespunspa Mobile Spa are designed to help people relax and manage stress and if one to one appointments are more your speed, we also offer facials, manicures, pedicures, relaxation massages, and chair massages for individuals. Having a spa service at home saves you time and money and you don’t have to worry about driving through traffic, finding a parking spot, or hiring a babysitter.

Please visit Homespunspa.com for more info and email me at Homespunspa@shaw.ca to book your spa appointment! Gift certificates are always available.

Self-care is a big part of Workplace Wellness Programs.
Ask me about how self-care is a big part of a Workplace Wellness Program.
  • Cruising into Wellness online store

As you can see, I’m passionate about wellness and I love helping people be proactive about their health. To further support my mobile spa clients and coaching clients with their health and wellness, I’ve opened an online store called Cruising into Wellness.

In store, you’ll find cruise wear, gemstones, jewellery, essential oils, colour bath pigments, tinted eyewear, Dr.’s Remedy nail polish, and so much more!

Please tell your friends about cruisingintowellness.com and if you’d like, make a purchase and I can bring your order to you at your next coaching session, mobile spa appointment, or spa party.

Check out my new wellness store and save 15% on the whole Medieval Thymes collection until September 30, 2017 @ www.cruisingintowellness.com.

And here’s a BONUS for being one of my clients! -> FREE SHIPPING!

For all of my Canadian clients, (Ammolite Wellness Coaching, Homespunspa Mobile Spa, and Cerule supplements), I’m offering free shipping on your first-time order of Cruising into Wellness products!

Just enter the discount code HOMESPUN at checkout!

Looking for incentives to motivate your employees? Visit Maria’s online store, CruisingIntoWellness.com.
Looking for incentives to motivate your employees? Visit Maria’s online store, CruisingIntoWellness.com.

Anyway, that’s my wellness empire 🙂 in a nutshell! Feel free to contact me if you’re interested in any of these wellness products or services. Hopefully, there’s something here that will help you.

Or, if you can think of anyone else who might appreciate what I have to offer, please forward my name to them. Thank you, I’d welcome your referral. I’m at your service.

Have questions about Ammolite Wellness Coaching, Homespunspa Mobile Spa, or Cruising into Wellness? Please contact Maria today.
Have questions about Ammolite Wellness Coaching, Homespunspa Mobile Spa, or Cruising into Wellness? Please contact Maria today.

Sincerely,

Maria Koropecky

Wellness Professional

Best Gemstone to be a better Leader

by Maria Koropecky, Wellness Coach

Today’s question is: What makes a good leader?

Leadership is a very hot topic these days and unless you have been living under a rock, you’ve probably talked about this in some way, quite recently.

Lead from Love

Saint Mother Teresa 3rd class relic.
Saint Mother Teresa 3rd class relic.

Over this past weekend, I attended a lecture about Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997). Although she came from humble beginnings, she became a world class leader and now she’s a Saint. Her message was about love. She lead from her heart and she let love lead the way. It was all about love for her and love just poured out from her, making the people around her feel truly loved in her presence.

So, leading from love is a quality of a good leader.

Create a Safe Space

Creating a safe space and a safe environment for other people to be able to do what they need to do is another quality of a good leader.

Think about it, if you don’t feel safe around your leader, you’re going to have a hard time working with them. It’s like getting into a car with a driver that you don’t trust Visit Your URL. Something is telling you that it’s going to be a bumpy ride and chances are you’re not going to get where you want to go.

Maybe the driver doesn’t know where they’re going, maybe they’re texting while driving and are distracted, maybe they’re yelling at other drivers on the road. Being in the car with someone like that doesn’t feel safe does it? And maybe it would be better to take the bus instead.

When people don’t feel safe around their leaders, they start acting up. They show up late, they leave early, they create drama, they gossip, they’re distracted, they make excuses, they sabotage efforts, and they don’t do their best. They’re not inspired.

A good leader makes people feel safe

We’re all called to be leaders in our lives. Opportunities for leadership are everywhere including in your family, in school, in clubs, in religious organizations, on sports teams, at work, and in your community.

The great leaders are the ones who lead from the heart and help people feel safe.

Rhodonite is the best gemstone to be a better leader.
Rhodonite is the best gemstone to be a better leader.

There’s a stone that ticks both those boxes! It’s called Rhodonite. You can find Rhodonite on the beaches around Victoria and it’s easy to spot because it’s pink and black.

Rhodonite helps remind us to be more loving towards ourselves and each other. It’s also the stone for Self-Actualization — which is all about being OK, safe and enough, no matter what’s going on around us. In order for leaders to create a safe environment, we have to feel safe ourselves. We have to be at peace with ourselves first. And that’s where Rhodonite comes in.

Right now, during these uncertain times, we really need people to step up and be good leaders. If being a better leader is your intention, please contact me about my coaching services. I guarantee working with a coach on a weekly basis will definitely make you a better leader.

Thank you so much for reading. Please leave me a comment below and tell me about your ideas on what makes a good leader.

Best Gemstone to Remind Us to TRUST the Process of Life

by Maria Koropecky, Wellness Coach

Sometimes, it’s hard to trust that things are going to work out.

Not trusting in yourself, others, and/or the process of life is a big challenge that shows up in some shape or form in many of my coaching conversations.

This past weekend, I had my own challenge with trust that I’d like to share.  I had to trust that things would work out but that was difficult for me. I was booked to do a spa party for an 11-year-old’s birthday through my Homespunspa Mobile Spa business and the night before, my esthetician who would be joining me, texted me saying she wasn’t able to make it because she caught a cold.

That was not good news and I had to find a replacement on short notice. I didn’t want to let anyone down. I called a few people on my team but nobody was available.

There was one more person to call and I knew she was busy but I contacted her anyway. She said she had an appointment in the morning and another one that was flexible and if I couldn’t find anyone else, she’d do her best to help me out.

There was nothing confirmed and I didn’t know if she would be able to make it in time for the spa party or not.

She said she would contact me before lunch to let me know where she was but I hadn’t yet heard from her. Twelve o’clock rolled into one o’clock and still no word.

Use Amazonite to remind you to trust.
Use Amazonite to remind you to trust.

Amazonite is a really beautiful turquoise stone with some copper in the mix. It’s named after the mighty Amazon River but it doesn’t come from there.I decided I’d do my best to stay calm. I looked to my gemstones and found out which ones were the best for trust. Amazonite was the first on the list.

When you think about a river, it flows and it finds the easiest path to wherever it’s going. If a rock happens to be in the way, it will somehow find a way to go over it or around it. Somehow it makes its way.

That’s the idea of trust. With trust, you have to let things unfold, naturally.

I don’t know about you but I find letting things run their course hard to do. Sometimes, I just want to control the situation and know ahead of time that things are going to work out. In this case, I didn’t know what was going to happen. I really didn’t know if the nail tech was going to be able to come through for me and help me out with this spa party at the last minute. Would she be able to drive from a completely opposite end of town, outside of the city no less, and still be able to make it through traffic in time?

Not hearing from her was difficult but she couldn’t call because she was busy doing fancy nail art for her client. I kept waiting and I kept waiting and I just took my Amazonite stone and let it calm me down. I meditated with it and even had some spa music playing in the background. All I could do was center myself and stay grounded and let things happen.

So sure enough, we actually did the spa party and it worked out just fine! Everybody was happy — the birthday girl, the friends, and the parents, and we did a great job.

At the end of the day, everything worked out, so what was I so worried about? Why did I panic? Why did I get upset? It was all so unnecessary. If I had trusted from the beginning, I would have saved myself a lot of stress.

Next time I’m in a similar situation, I’m going to go straight to my Amazonite stone. I’m going to skip the stress and remember to trust. I have to remind myself to trust that everything is going work out for the best.

So, if you’d like to explore the idea of trust with me as a wellness coach and believe me, trusting comes up a lot, please contact me, Maria, by phone or email. I’d love to hear from you.